If a man wants to become a good tango dancer, he has to become a follower.
“Of course, I’ve heard that learning how dance the follower’s steps can help”, you might say.
No. I’m not saying that at all. I believe that it’s not necessary for you to learn how to dance the female role to become a good dancer: my point here is that you have to be able to read the woman in your embrace and to follow the information you get from her.
I got inspired to write this post by a comment on my Facebook Page. My article “Four ways to lead better” was shared a lot, mostly by people I don’t know personally. Bellow one of the shares a guy named Daniel said this:
“The leader monitors the speed and feel of each movement. One follower might need to be led a little earlier or later to move at the right time. He monitors her balance, her musical interpretation, her level of comfort in the embrace. It’s a complex feedback loop. He is constantly adjusting his lead to her response.”
It would be great if more guys could understand how tango works as Daniel does.
I always spend a lot of time and attention to help my students learn this simple, but powerful truth. It’s such an essential part of becoming a good dancer – I would even say – of becoming a good man.
So, here’s what I think one should focus his attention:
1. Following her emotion
When I first started dancing someone more experienced told me that the embrace is always defined by the woman. She decides how close it will be…
I agree, but it goes beyond that. She defines the emotion as well. I mean, if there’s any part of tango where woman has to take the lead it is the emotion (in tango and in life).
I’m not saying that men are emotionless monkeys, but our society pays far less attention to cultivating their emotions. The Western culture, or maybe globally, is encouraging the woman to experience all her emotions, to express them and with that, to cultivate her emotional compass. This makes her emotionally more subtle and sensitive.
Of course, many man are also very subtle and sensitive, but we live in a culture where they are mostly discouraged to cultivate their emotions. This makes women more suitable to be the leaders of the emotion.
Men can express emotion, he can initiate closeness, passion, sensuality or even sexuality, but the last word is always hers. It’s her heart that paints the colors on the emotional canvas of the couple.
Being so, he must know how to follow her heart. He has to observe, feel and react to the vibrations it sends and express that in his dancing. There is no greater ecstasy for her, than feeling that he knows her heart; that he follows her emotion.
The opposite is also true: many women are seek and tired of senseless and egotistic men who care only for their dance and how they feel.
Depending on her state she might need more emotional dancing or maybe more physical. Maybe she needs wild and furious dancing or maybe passionate and slow – and this doesn’t always depend on the music.
The ultimate music he has to listen is the one created by her heart.
2. Following her timing
It’s about whom does the man dance for. If he dances for himself, he will never follow her timing. He will not wait until she finishes her movements. He will rush her into the next step even before she has finished the previous, even before she is ready to start a new one.
Many man aren’t even aware that they are doing this. They’re so preoccupied with their own musicality and their own elegance, that they forget that they have a woman in their embrace.
Ask any woman: she will tell you that these are the worst partners.
Please check – are you focused on her? Do you wait for her to finish her movements? Do you rush her? Do you care about missing the beat more than losing her heart?
On the other hand, there are dancers who follow her timing. Those are the most desired partners, no matter if they’re beginners or advanced dancers.
They monitor the speed and the feel of the movements. They predict how much energy she’ll need to complete it.
There is no universal recipe on how to do these things: every woman is different – some will need a lead little earlier, some can catch up with a late lead; some will need a lot of energy, some can feel a lead subtle as a summer breeze. When I dance with some of those who have highly sensitive reactions it feels like she can read my mind. She can sometimes feel when I can’t decide about the step in the moment, even when everything is done properly.
So, if you want to become a good leader, follow her timing. Don’t allow yourself to rush her or to predict how she’ll react.
The predictions are usually wrong – the answers are not in your brain, they are in her body!
3. Follow her musicality
Let me be honest with you, I’m not fan of dancing with a woman who likes to make a lot of adornos. I consider them bad dancers and usually avoid to dance with them.
I know it’s not popular to say this, but trust me, it feels like you’re having a conversation with someone who talks too much, without actual reason, even if she is doing them right. Silences are important as well – one doesn’t have to dance to every beat one hears.
But…
He should feel her need to express herself and give her space to do so.
It isn’t about what you want, this time it’s about what she wants.
I’m not saying you should encourage her, just that you have to make her feel good about her dancing.
Remember: your goal is to make her feel good and you’ll be awarded for this, trust me. If you know how to touch her this way, you’ll feel the emotion in the dance – she’ll be your sun shining on the cold winter morning.
Hey, sorry to interrupt…
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From my heart to yours!
Ivica
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What exactly I am talking about? When she expresses her musicality this doesn’t mean that she is taking the lead, it is just using the space between your signals to interpret parts of the music she feels are unexpressed. Sometimes it means that she’ll accent some parts of the music and sometimes she’ll add some extra steps before making the step you are leading her to.
To follow her musicality means that you have to feel what she does and sometimes even adapt the whole improvised choreography to match that.
4. Following her movements
This is basic. No man can be a good dancer if he is not aware of the position of her feet.
I know, for a beginner this seems like an impossible mission, but trust me, in time you’ll start feeling it. It’s like you’re able to find the light switch in your room even in complete darkness – you don’t have to see it to know that it’s there.
One of the old milongueros once said “you know where her feet are because you placed them there”, but it goes beyond that. You’re not only ‘placing them’ there (physical action), but you’re also observing her movement (mental action).
This will prove to be one of the key skills for having control of her balance. Being able to control her balance is next level dancing – trust me.
Dance in practica with your eyes closed. Try to imagine where her feet is. I mean, literally, make a picture in your head. And, of course, give yourself time: it takes some experience.
What stops people from getting better in following their partners?
Well, mostly reasons some consider out of the scope of a tango teacher.
Some argue that those reasons are too personal, but, I would say, tango is personal as well. Tango faces us with our inner demons and weakness.
Face them in tango and you are facing them in life. Become more caring partner in tango and you are becoming a better person in life as well.
Love your view on tango, although I do not agree fully, I do feel ‘coming home’ to someone really understanding the way I do.
For me the number one quality a follower has to bring is clarity, so I know every inch of her body. So I can follow.
Truly when someone doesn’t be aware of after that its up to other viewers that they will assist, so here it occurs.
As soon as I found this internet site I went on reddit to share some of the love with them.
What is the most important thing in dancing, & especially Tango, that enables what you describe in this article ?
Hi Avica
Thanks for writing such a great post! I feel like you’ve described all of my favourite and best dances/ dance partners. It’s wonderful and frankly necessary to hear you give voice to a very subtle and finessed way of being! To often followers are being trained to be “good” and “obedient” by leaving their sense of self off the dance floor, almost like a blank canvas that the leader gets to create. More and more I see people (in society) empowering women and as a result the followers or feminine quality of the dance get to come out and play. Leader who not only enjoy but encourage this have my heart in the dance. So even if this exquisite skill is not one that you posses yet, I think there’s something in holding it as a goal in and of itself. It will open up a world of communication between you and your partner.
I agree. Three is a very important feedback loop in good tango dancing, and leading requires many aspects of following.
Speaking from my own experience, when leaders are unable to ‘follow’ the follower well, it is not necessarily that he gives too much attention to himself and his needs. Sometimes his mental energy is just overly-consumed with all the things that go with leading. It was only after a long time at leading that I was ABLE to give more attention to the follower. Seen from the outside, one might believe I had become more ‘sensitive’. I had not, I had become more competent, things had become automatic, and my mind was freed to be sensitive. Everyone is different.
I understand the point your trying to make and yes the man leads the woman into the figure and then follows her but the only time a woman should make a step without the man leading is the Adorno and she should only attempt this if it doesn’t affect the mans lead and tempo. The woman should not add extra steps or pause or slow the tempo it’s solely the mans responsibility to do this. I’ve danced with many woman that are flamboyant and tend to add steps or control the movement or tempo and I don’t care to dance with them again.
I agree with this but it seems to put all the responsibility one the leader. I believe the follower should also listen to the leader. Tango is a dialogue between two partners trying to dance as one on the same music. The two partners gave to adapt to each other and to the music.
Hi Frank, thanks for sharing your opinion. I agree with you completely – it is a two way communication. The point of this post, as the title suggests, is that leader/follower terminology is wrong. The man is also a follower – something which many men in tango forget.