I understand: all of us want to become perfect dancers, but what many don’t realize is that the perfectionism is exactly what stops you from approaching that goal.
When Tango Mentor started five years ago, my message to the readers was “Discover your dancing perfection”. Few months later I learned that the word “perfection” was source of confusion: my idea of perfection was often opposite of what some of my readers had in mind..
My intended message was to tell people that the most important lesson a tango dancer should learn is that he should focus on the connection. Unfortunately many are using the connection as just another tool to achieve what they have in mind when they say “perfection”, and that is to look attractive and elegant.
Solution? I changed the tagline of Tango Mentor and the current one is “Connection is the ultimate style”.
When I use “perfect” and “perfectionism” in this article, I mean both of the meanings: 1) the one majority of the dancers consider as perfect dancing, and 2) the idea that perfect dancing means being able to dance with perfect connection.
I wrote in this article 5 points, but if you dissect them they could be easily expanded to more than 10. In the same time, they are connected and dependent. Anyways, it’s easier to read this way, so here we are.
1. Missing the point
“It’s like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don’t concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory.”
Bruce Lee
Some dancers are getting obsessed with their movements. They study hard and spend hours of practicing, focusing on the details. In the same time, they completely ignore how they feel during the dance and, even more important, how their partner feels. In this process, they become robot dancers – perfect and emotionless.
The point I want to make is that if you’re social dancer the real drama is not the one happening on the dance floor where your body moves, but in yours and your partners heart.
Focusing on the body, the movement and what is going on on the dance floor is limiting yourself to the surface of the phenomena. Or, as would Mr. Lee say focusing on the finger and missing all that heavenly glory.
2. Losing self-confidence
Can you dance as someone else? Well, you can try, but I doubt you can succeed. All you can do is to be yourself and dance as yourself.
Unfortunately I often see dancers desperately trying to dance like (what they believe) their perfect idol dancers. The result is people who think they are inadequate; dancers who think they can never be able to achieve the level of even being considered average dancer.
This idea of what perfection means is damaging their self-confidence and blocks them to develop their specific talent.
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3. Dancers without personality
When I see tango performers first thing that catches my eye is awful lack of variation. This is specially true for those performers who compete in tango mundial and similar events. You’ve seen one – you’ve seen all of them.
This lack of variation, that template dancing is what often helps me dismiss them without watching more than 5 seconds. See first few steps and you’ve seen everything. See one of them and you’ve seen them all. They look alike like a ping pong balls mass produced on a factory assembly line. The same posture. The same costumes. The same walk. The same embrace.
Following one model, without taking into account specifics of your body and character, leads you to dance in unnatural and awkward way. I don’t even want to begin to talk about how poor the general landscape becomes.
Of course, you can’t force uniformity – your personality finds it’s way to show up. What worries me is that many people think that less personality they show (or more closer their dancing is to their idea of perfection) – the better dancers they are.
Sorry to say, but I don’t consider losing personality a good thing.
4. You cant get into the state of flow
“[Flow means] being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.”
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
You can achieve perfection only if you’re able to get into the state of flow. You can’t force it – you’re only able to get it when you let go and allow the dance to lead it. The dancer is not dancing, the dancer is being danced.
And, you know what? If you think of your mistakes you can never get into the state of flow. That is something that paralyzes dancers, and some of them even give up tango.
There was this story (I can’t remember where I heard about it) about a tree legged dog. If a dog loses a limb it doesn’t get depressed or feel inadequate. It doesn’t consider itself less than other dogs, staying in a corner and coursing the destiny for its misfortune.
No. The tree legged dog jumps and tries to run as if nothing is wrong. Plays with other dogs and enjoys life.
If perfectionism blocks you from enjoying, try to think like the tree legged dog. Invite a partner and jump to the dance floor. Continue dancing despite the mistakes.
You don’t dance with your body – you dance with your heart.
5. “The money” thing
Following one perfect model of perfection is like trying to look like those stars and models from the cover of the magazine.
You’re not stupid. You know that those stars don’t look like that all the time. They have preparations and diets for weeks just to look perfect for their photosh0ots. Most of the time they look much more like regular people, or, to be more precise, less perfect than they appear on their pictures.
We often pursue imagination and people use that desire to take our money. You know, the 6-pack-abs-in-a-week model!
Don’t spend money to learn to be perfect. You don’t need that. Just learn few core techniques and learn them well, so that your partners enjoy dancing with you. That’s all!
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