Embrace

Anatomy of a Perfect Embrace

by Ivica Anteski · May 14, 2018

What is perfect embrace? It is like a kiss – different people will give you different answer. Some like it soft and tender, others long and passionate or short and playful… There are no rules there.

That is the beauty of tango – it is not a standardized dance.

The way you create your tango embrace depends on what you want to achieve. In my article “Flavors of tango: motion vs emotion” I tried to explain the difference between different flavors of tango.

The flavors of tango: motion vs emotion

Here I give you a visual guide how to create an embrace which is optimized for emotion – the one I prefer. This is very intimate way of embracing the partner: optimized to maximize the connection.

The form you have selected does not exist.

Some dancers find it limiting in sense of movements, but to this day I was not able to see its limitations. Yes, it takes more practice and knowledge to do some steps, but lack of the technique is not a valid alibi to sacrifice the connection. Enjoy!

If you like this, please share it with your friends on Facebook or on any other social network you connect with your tango community.

Don’t forget to let me know did you tried this way of dancing and what results did you get?

Learning how to connect is a losing game

by Ivica Anteski · December 6, 2017

Tango is a losing game – there are things you should lose if you want to connect with your partner. It might sound like I am some kind of Zen teacher, but I really believe that when people learn tango they should be more focused to forget some things, rather than to learn something new.

As master Yoda said: “You must unlearn what you have learned!” if you want to connect with your partner.

It is easier said than done. Why? Because it is so much part of our nature that many are not able to easily let it go. The problem is what is “it?” How can we let it go if no one tells us what should we let go? Lets get in to it!

We had a private class. She was an experienced dancer and I was teaching her years ago, when she was at the very beginning in her tango journey. I asked her what is her biggest challenge in this moment of her development as a dancer.

“I have a feeling that I practice a lot. I spend at least an hour at home every day doing exercises… and I’m not getting the results I expect,” she said.

“What do you expect?”

“Better dances. Better partners. More pleasure during the dance,” she answered.

I believe that practicing is useful only if one knows where it leads. If you practice alone at home, you are basically practicing to dance alone. If you want to improve your dancing with partners, you should practice more with partners. Of course, good technique can give some freedom to your body, but practicing technique teaches you almost nothing about connection.

[Tweet “You can’t learn how to connect practicing alone”]

So, here they are! I believe these two things are the most important things one can do if he/she wants to connect better. The first one is about the body and the second one is about the mind. I can’t say which one is more important – both are crucial and they complement each other.

1. Lose your inner monkey – We are monkeys… and what monkeys do when they are on a shaking tree, when they feel insecure? They grab with their hands! In most of our activities in life, the main organ for manipulating the world are our hands. We grab with them, we move objects with them, we keep distance from the walls in darkness, we drive our cars with hands, we defend ourselves with our hands…

But, you see, in tango we have to abandon that if we want to dance well. Good communication can be defined by the way we use our hands to transmit information to the partner’s body: the more we use them, the worse our connection becomes.

Let me elaborate! We have two radically different approaches. The first one, when we just use our hands – even when it is done in the most subtle way, which at moments can feel very smooth, leading with hands is not “under the radar.” We are trained to expect “pushing” and “puling” (no matter how subtle is – from the hands. This means that ladies are aware of it, and when they are aware – they react to it. This form of communication is based on reactions and is slower and less direct.

Embrace like a lover, dance like the wind

The second, opposite situation, is when we do not use our hands for communication. Our monkey brain, trained to expect the hands to finish the work, can not detect how the information is transferred. This means – the transfer of the information is “just transferred,” it is “under the radar.”

“But if not the hands, how it is transferred?” you might ask.

Well, if the man uses his center to transfer information directly to her center – then her body will just move – without her being even aware of how it happens. When this happens, the dancers are not aware how – but their bodies are just connected. They act as if they are one body.

2. Lose yourself – This is the meditational part of dancing tango. I am not talking here of some yoga-meditation-nirvana-enlightenment stuff – but about something very real and very concrete. I don’t agree with the approach that tango dancers should work to connect with their own body – and many use these kinds of exercises. Of course, a person needs good motorics, if this is what they mean by connecting with your own body, but that is something you develop over the time and if you focus on this, you miss other – more important aspects.

Having a good connection doesn’t comes from connecting with your own body – but with the body of your partner. Basically both of the dancers in the couple dance with their partners’ body, not with their own. That is not natural – but it can be (and should be) practiced – until it becomes natural.

I used this analogy in one of my posts – and here I repeat it – because it is so accurate. It is like learning to ride a bicycle. You have to spend enough time on it so your brain starts to feel it as extension of your body.

How can we achieve this? There are two parts of the formula. First, you have to dance for your partner, not for yourself. This means that all you do should be part of your partner’s dance. The man uses his body and his movements to make her body dance. The woman focuses on his body and uses his movements – and that alone makes her body move

It is like the musician playing violin. He is not focused on how he is dressed or what he looks like – all his focus is on the violin. In time, as he enters into the flow – he even forgets about the violin; he becomes one with the violin – and this new entity creates forms out of the music.

The form you have selected does not exist.

The second part of the formula includes the other side. You see, if you dance for your partner and if she/he also dances for herself/himself, than who is dancing for you? This is why some partners are good, even if they lack some technique – because they are givers. In my opinion the worst dancers those who, for whatever reason, are not able to give.

Have in mind that in these article I am talking about extreme situations. I believe that these should be dancers’ tendencies, his/hers goals. When you are at milonga you will move closer or further from these goals – but the closer you are to the ideal, the better dancer you will become.

I know that some of this can be abstract and I tried to explain it the best I could. If you have any questions I would be happy to answer. I would also appreciate if you share this post with your friends on Facebook or in the groups/forums where your community shares useful tango links.

Why a man in tango is a follower?

by Ivica Anteski · August 2, 2017

If a man wants to become a good tango dancer, he has to become a follower.

“Of course, I’ve heard that learning how dance the follower’s steps can help”, you might say.

No. I’m not saying that at all. I believe that it’s not necessary for you to learn how to dance the female role to become a good dancer: my point here is that you have to be able to read the woman in your embrace and to follow the information you get from her.

I got inspired to write this post by a comment on my Facebook Page. My article “Four ways to lead better” was shared a lot, mostly by people I don’t know personally. Bellow one of the shares a guy named Daniel said this:

“The leader monitors the speed and feel of each movement. One follower might need to be led a little earlier or later to move at the right time. He monitors her balance, her musical interpretation, her level of comfort in the embrace. It’s a complex feedback loop. He is constantly adjusting his lead to her response.”

It would be great if more guys could understand how tango works as Daniel does.

I always spend a lot of time and attention to help my students learn this simple, but powerful truth. It’s such an essential part of becoming a good dancer – I would even say – of becoming a good man.

So, here’s what I think one should focus his attention:

1. Following her emotion

When I first started dancing someone more experienced told me that the embrace is always defined by the woman. She decides how close it will be…

I agree, but it goes beyond that. She defines the emotion as well. I mean, if there’s any part of tango where woman has to take the lead it is the emotion (in tango and in life).

I’m not saying that men are emotionless monkeys, but our society pays far less attention to cultivating their emotions. The Western culture, or maybe globally, is encouraging the woman to experience all her emotions, to express them and with that, to cultivate her emotional compass. This makes her emotionally more subtle and sensitive.

Of course, many man are also very subtle and sensitive, but we live in a culture where they are mostly discouraged to cultivate their emotions. This makes women more suitable to be the leaders of the emotion.

Men can express emotion, he can initiate closeness, passion, sensuality or even sexuality, but the last word is always hers. It’s her heart that paints the colors on the emotional canvas of the couple.

Being so, he must know how to follow her heart. He has to observe, feel and react to the vibrations it sends and express that in his dancing. There is no greater ecstasy for her, than feeling that he knows her heart; that he follows her emotion.

The opposite is also true: many women are seek and tired of senseless and egotistic men who care only for their dance and how they feel.

Depending on her state she might need more emotional dancing or maybe more physical. Maybe she needs wild and furious dancing or maybe passionate and slow – and this doesn’t always depend on the music.

The ultimate music he has to listen is the one created by her heart.

2. Following her timing

It’s about whom does the man dance for. If he dances for himself, he will never follow her timing. He will not wait until she finishes her movements. He will rush her into the next step even before she has finished the previous, even before she is ready to start a new one.

Many man aren’t even aware that they are doing this. They’re so preoccupied with their own musicality and their own elegance, that they forget that they have a woman in their embrace.

Ask any woman: she will tell you that these are the worst partners.

Please check – are you focused on her? Do you wait for her to finish her movements? Do you rush her? Do you care about missing the beat more than losing her heart?

On the other hand, there are dancers who follow her timing. Those are the most desired partners, no matter if they’re beginners or advanced dancers.

They monitor the speed and the feel of the movements. They predict how much energy she’ll need to complete it.

There is no universal recipe on how to do these things: every woman is different – some will need a lead little earlier, some can catch up with a late lead; some will need a lot of energy, some can feel a lead subtle as a summer breeze. When I dance with some of those who have highly sensitive reactions it feels like she can read my mind. She can sometimes feel when I can’t decide about the step in the moment, even when everything is done properly.

So, if you want to become a good leader, follow her timing. Don’t allow yourself to rush her or to predict how she’ll react.

The predictions are usually wrong – the answers are not in your brain, they are in her body!

3. Follow her musicality

Let me be honest with you, I’m not fan of dancing with a woman who likes to make a lot of adornos. I consider them bad dancers and usually avoid to dance with them.

I know it’s not popular to say this, but trust me, it feels like you’re having a conversation with someone who talks too much, without actual reason, even if she is doing them right. Silences are important as well – one doesn’t have to dance to every beat one hears.

But…

He should feel her need to express herself and give her space to do so.

It isn’t about what you want, this time it’s about what she wants.

I’m not saying you should encourage her, just that you have to make her feel good about her dancing.

Remember: your goal is to make her feel good and you’ll be awarded for this, trust me. If you know how to touch her this way, you’ll feel the emotion in the dance – she’ll be your sun shining on the cold winter morning.

Hey, sorry to interrupt…

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From my heart to yours!
Ivica

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What exactly I am talking about? When she expresses her musicality this doesn’t mean that she is taking the lead, it is just using the space between your signals to interpret parts of the music she feels are unexpressed. Sometimes it means that she’ll accent some parts of the music and sometimes she’ll add some extra steps before making the step you are leading her to.

To follow her musicality means that you have to feel what she does and sometimes even adapt the whole improvised choreography to match that.

4. Following her movements

This is basic. No man can be a good dancer if he is not aware of the position of her feet.

I know, for a beginner this seems like an impossible mission, but trust me, in time you’ll start feeling it. It’s like you’re able to find the light switch in your room even in complete darkness – you don’t have to see it to know that it’s there.

One of the old milongueros once said “you know where her feet are because you placed them there”, but it goes beyond that. You’re not only ‘placing them’ there (physical action), but you’re also observing her movement (mental action).

This will prove to be one of the key skills for having control of her balance. Being able to control her balance is next level dancing – trust me.

Dance in practica with your eyes closed. Try to imagine where her feet is. I mean, literally, make a picture in your head. And, of course, give yourself time: it takes some experience.

What stops people from getting better in following their partners?

Well, mostly reasons some consider out of the scope of a tango teacher.

Some argue that those reasons are too personal, but, I would say, tango is personal as well. Tango faces us with our inner demons and weakness.

Face them in tango and you are facing them in life. Become more caring partner in tango and you are becoming a better person in life as well.