Embrace like a lover, dance like the wind

“Embrace like a lover, dance like the wind” sounds like reading poetry, but having nice tango embrace is like writing poetry or painting: it comes from the heart and you can’t fake it. It reveals who you are and it takes some work to be able to show what’s inside you.

This article is about what can you do to improve your embrace. Some of these things are natural and most of us know them instinctively. On the other hand, many are not, and people have trouble accepting them. I recommend you to try them anyway. Who knows, maybe they will open new horizons for you?

When we talk about tango dancers there are two extremes. There are those who came for the moves: they enjoy being seen. Dancing for them is a kind of sport. This article is probably not for them.

I write here for those who lean towards the opposite extreme. The huggers!

These people see in tango much more than just a physical movement. They see connection, meditation, passion, interacting with other human being.

One of the most recognizable characteristics of tango is the embrace. No one can say for sure, but some consider that the tango embrace is like this because it was created by immigrants – people who left their families and loved ones and came to Argentina in hope to get rich. Lonely and disappointed, they found refuge and warmth in arms of strangers.

Now, when we talk about dancing in embrace there are many aspects one should consider. Here I will focus on four that I consider the most important.

1. Use your center, not your hands

The primary use of your arms in the embrace is hugging!

Every other reasons you might use them for will be secondary. Of course, many people use their hands for communication, but you can’t do that without sacrificing some of the comfort and sweetness of your embrace.

There are some moves when using the hands actually makes your dance better, but be aware that those are exceptions and the more you do them, the worse you embrace becomes.

Try to connect with your center of the balance instead. That is the area of your body that stands right above your foot – where your weight is being transmitted to the floor.

It takes some guidance and experience to become aware of your center – the simplest advice I can give you right now is to search for it somewhere between your heart and your belly button.

The ideal communication would be if your center touches the center of your partner – that way the information will travel directly and undisturbed; the unity of bodies will be complete.

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From my heart to yours!
Ivica

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2. Have one, not separate axes

The tango couple is “four legged animal with two beating hearts”. This goes far beyond a nice sounding metaphor: that’s something that can actually be achieved.

First, in order to create one body out of two, partners have to be able to give up the idea of being separated – and the idea of having their own balance.

Second, giving up the balance doesn’t mean that partners melt and lose their axes. It is like love – you can’t have true love if you lose yourself. Partners have to keep their body/spine straight.

Third, you have to be able to share the axis. This means that when you dance you lean on the partners body, using his/hers legs as your own.

Does it seems complicated? Yes, because it is. It takes some experience and technical knowledge to achieve this. The most importantly – it takes trust. The perfect analogy is the everlasting metaphor of love – you give your heart to your lover, you lean and if he/she is not dancing with you it might fall on the floor. He/she is the guardian of your heart.

The secrets of apilado dancing

3. Respect the balance points

Why is standing on one leg harder than standing on both? Because when you lift up one of the legs you are puling it out of your balance point. Balance point (or zero point) is the place on the floor where your weight is pressing down.

When babies learn to walk they actually learn how to recognize zero points. Walking is perpetual getting in and out of your zero point. It’s so natural to us that most of us are not even aware of it.

It becomes more complicated when there’s more than one body. Than the goal is to merge to bodies into one. This new body has different zero points and the fact that there are four legs involved makes things even more complicated.

Being curious, I analyzed how bodies move when people dance and concluded that to learn this quickly one must start with one simple rule: always place your foot very near to the feet of the partner, to the place where he/she would usually place his/hers foot in the normal walk.

Stepping far will pull your body far as well – which in turn will cause problems in the embrace. That will destroy your posture, force you to use your hands, even feeling the need to open. All of this can be solved by simply paying attention where you place your foot when you walk.

My students spend no time learning how to have a good posture. They find out about that concept from other teachers – not because I do not want to teach them, but because they don’t need it. If you learn this part right (together with communication from the core), you will never have problem with your posture.

4. Follow her (for men)

And now the hardest part: dancer’s personality.

Tango faces you with what you are… and it reveals you to the others.

I strongly believe the best advice a tango teacher can give to his male students is to learn how to follow their partner. Good dancing is always two way communication.

Leaders in life can’t be considered good ones if they’re just giving orders. If you want to lead you have to know what others feel and think, you have to read others.

The tribe chief from the “Emerald Forest” (1985) said “If I tell a man to do what he does not want to do, I am no longer chief”. If you think you’re a leader and no one follows you, you’re just a dude taking a walk.

If a man leads her to do something she’s not comfortable with, he’s no longer a good leader. In order to be a good dancer every man has to follow her heart: he has to become a follower.

Read my post about how inappropriate is using the terms leader/follower

The leader/follower confusion

How can this help your embrace?

There’s nothing worse than forcing the woman in your embrace to do something she’s not comfortable with. It feels rigid and often will take some physical effort to do that. Embrace should never feel like wrestlers grip.

5. Follow him (for women)

She can do the patterns he is signaling her to do, but does it means they’re connected? When someone does what they’re told to, does it mean something more than just an obedience?

Connection is much more then following his lead. My teaching experience tells me that the hardest lesson for many women are to overcome their inner barrier and let go. Walking, pivots, ochos, giros is easy and can be learned over time, but connecting and letting go is the hardest part.

One can teach a girl proper technique and he can lead them well, but what they do with that is up to them. It’s easy if she is self-confident and can connect with people, it’s hard when she’s distrusting and insecure. That part is not easy at all.

This is, of course, connected with their partner. If she feels he’s not able to take the responsibility and give her clear lead she’ll feel insecure and distrusting… but most of all, he has to be able to read her reactions and follow her emotional lead.

Why this matters? If she can’t relax and give up the control, she won’t be able to move in perfectly synchronized way. This (even very little) differences in intentions and movements can result in struggle: using her hands, and sometimes even physically leading him.

In the end I want to remind you that tango can be very sensual, but it’s not the embrace itself that produces that sensuality. It just merely enables that sensuality to be expressed.

I now hug you and, if you liked this article, I ask you to please share it with your friends.