How ladies choose partners

Knowing the answer to the question “How ladies choose their partners?” can be game changing for both, men and women. Ladies, especially if they are beginners, who know how other ladies choose their partners can save themselves from frustrating experiences. Having terrible tanda for some ladies can be emotionally devastating and after that they can just pack their things and go home.

Knowing this answer, can change the perspective for men too. Understanding what ladies look for in their dancing will give them idea what they should focus on in their learning process.

This is why I asked some of my friends, favorite dancers and teachers to tell me how they choose their partner in milongas where they do not know anyone. I added the “not knowing anyone” part in the question, because I wanted a clear picture: many ladies chose partners because they know that they are good dancers.

Ladies observe

The most important part of every answer is observing. Ladies should carefully observe how the man dances with other women and from that visual information they can conclude many things.

When ladies observe they should do that with intention and curiosity.

“Everything depends on the context… the type of milonga … but anyway, if you know how to dance the best way is to be calm and curious.”, says Mirta Tiseyra, an Argentinian who spent many years in milongas in Buenos Aires and also an experienced tango teacher.

All the ladies I asked said that observing is the best way one can use to find out which partner they should choose. So, if you are a lady and do not have other way to find out – keep your eyes on the dance floor. Also, if you are a man – be aware that ladies are watching you and they choose you (or not) even before you make that cabeceo.

Attitude is aptitude

So, what ladies look for when they see a man dancing on the dance floor?

Not too much. Actually, everything can be summarized in two words: attitude and musicality. Let’s examine the attitude part first.

“When I don’t know the dancer I always try first to see how he is dancing with some other lady. I am observing his attitude towards woman – is he focused on himself, showing his perfect technique and using woman only as a tool or he is focused on his partner first trying to feel her, to have her trust first and only when she is ready doing more complicate things.”, says Ieva Drevina from Latvia.

Man’s attitude towards the woman he is dancing with is also one of the key factors for other ladies I talked to, but what Drevina mentions is how the man relates with other couples as well.

“I’m looking at his attitude towards other leaders and couples, in my opinion experienced leader is not dancing alone, he understands how important is to cooperate. With such leader I will feel safe and relaxed and so I can give him all my best.”, she concludes.

No dancing without musicality

It is not pleasant thing to see someone trying to dance without connecting to the music. Can you imagine how much harder is to dance with someone like that?

“I observe couples dancing. First I choose to invite musical leaders. Those respecting and playing with timing. I also choose those who seem to have a comfortable embrace and posture, looking at how they connect with the partner.”, says Ingrid Ravelo from Cuba.

Checking someone’s musicality is probably the easiest part of checking out if someone is dancing well. So ladies, pay attention to this; and guys, make sure you spend enough time learning this segment of your dancing.

Compatibility factor

There is also one other factor that should be considered – the tastes.

“I usually look carefully in his embrace and what he looks like when he dances. What matters, beside following the music, is if he waits for the woman: waiting in the sense of giving her time to express herself. I try to figure out if he loads his weight on the woman and especially that he doesn’t lead “boleos” and “ganchos” that I don’t like because they don’t reflect my idea of tango.”, says Carmela Pazienzia from Italy.

In her answer she brings up the point of compatibility – if her idea of tango is compatible with the partners way of dancing. She also mentions the musicality.

Hey, sorry to interrupt…

Do you like reading my articles? If you do please consider a small contribution to the existence of this blog.

I don’t sell a book or run ads: I share these articles for free. Unfortunately I also have to pay my bills, so if you see value in my work please consider a small donation/gratuity (the same way you tip your favorite bartender).
From my heart to yours!
Ivica

Thank you button

Securely processed via PayPal

The pleasure is measure

In my opinion the most valuable way to detect if someone is dancing well is how their partners react to their dancing.

“If I go to a milonga where I don’t know anyone, the first thing I’d do is to watch them dance with other partners, their attitude towards them when they invite someone to dance and while they dance. Watching the partners’ face while they dance also helps.”, says Laura Rusconi, Argentinian social dancer and an experienced teacher.

So, “watching the partners’ face” is a factor. Ladies, this is unmistakable sign of a good dancer. Guys, you can’t fake this one – you will have to make your partner enjoy and make those faces. This is the best way you will become more wanted dancer in any milonga.

What is your experience? I would love to hear what you have to say – just leave your opinion in the comment section or drop me a line via email.

If you found this article helpful I would appreciate if you share it with your tango friends via Facebook or any other way you communicate. Thank you for that.