The terms ‘leader’ and ‘follower’ are so much part of the tango vocabulary used today that I often see even some Argentinian teachers using them. In fact, most of the time when people use leader/follower, they learned them from their teachers, not because they came out with them because of how they feel them.
I avoid using them whenever I can. Although to some might look like logical choices, when you think about it, they are deeply misleading.
This article might be a reason for some disagreement, but hey, one shouldn’t I ran away from saying what he thinks is the right thing, even when his voice shakes. Anyway, I see this as part of my duty to write about it.
As I said, I name here my top four reasons you should avoid using ‘leader’ and ‘follower’ in tango. I tried to explain them in short and to support them broader explanation why I think that way.
I already wrote about why a man should follow the woman and why the woman should follow the man. As an addition to this, the third and fourth reasons are about the nature of their joint effort to achieve a perfect connection and enjoyment.
So, why should we avoid using ‘leader’ and ‘follower’ when we talk about tango?
1. Because the woman leads the emotion
It might seem like a patriarchal cliche, but please give it a chance, read it and then decide.
Tango is an emotional experience. Both, men and women, can enjoy the emotions in the dance equally, but they don’t contribute to creating this emotions in the same way.
The man can lead the emotion of course, but in the same time, he has many other things to do as well – the choreography, the navigation in the space, the musicality of the movements etc.
The woman in tango has a little different priorities list. First or very high on her list will be the emotion. She will focus on how she feels, how the partners makes her feel, how the music makes her feel, how the embrace makes her heart ticking.
All roads lead to her heart. Tango is created by men who wanted to get closer to a woman, so it’s a gift that he gives to her. Not the other way around.
She will focus on the communication, because without that she will not be able to receive the information in order for the dance to happen, but more important – she will do it because it feels good. If this “feeling good” stops, the channels will be closed. This makes the dance hard and uncomfortable.
The conclusion is that most of the things the woman does in the dance depends on how she feels about them. Woman in tango is not a receiver of the emotion, she is, rather, the creator, the active element – she gives the color to all that the couple does. She leads the emotion.
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2. Because the man follows her heart and her body
On the other hand, the mans part of the equation is receiving and nurturing that emotion. All the man does in the dance is to win her heart. The tango in its core is a game of seduction and it follows a similar rules as any other game of seduction.
Check out my post about how the tango is a game of seduction.
The dark side of tango
Historically, tango was created by men who wanted to win a heart of the woman. Buenos Aires in the beginning of 20 century was overpopulated – mostly by young men, poor and lonely. Some say that there was just one woman for every 10 men. They had only two ways to get a woman in their life: to pay for a prostitute or to win her with tango. Those historical circumstances shaped the way the tango is danced – they defined what will be the masculine and the feminine role. Check more about this in the reason number 4.
Having all this in mind, his role in tango has limited options – and non of them is connected with leading.
Of course, I am talking here about dancing with a smooth connection and subtlety, and not just some cardio or show off exercise that looks like tango (in that case he can ignore what and how she feels, but then he should expect her to close emotionally).
Guys, to dance tango, you must listen to the heart of the woman. – Cacho Dante (The Tango and Trapeze Acts)
His job is to make her body move together with the music, in an enjoyable way. He achieves this by giving subtle suggestions to her body, paying attention not to push her out of her comfort zone too much so she won’t become tensed. If woman in tango makes mistake, he will follow and cover her mistakes. In that case she won’t even notice the make.
His role means that he has to constantly watch how her heart and body reacts to his suggestions, to adjust, to avoid what makes her tense and to create patterns she finds enjoyable. His job is to follow her.
3. Because tango is about giving
One of the most important aspects of the couple in tango embrace is that there is a constant flow of information and energy between the partners. This means that they both contribute to what’s going on – in their own (different) way.
Some beginners tend to compete with their partner, sometimes even blaming them for the mistake. This comes from having a wrong mindset – a dancer should understand the tango embrace as a cooperation, a joint journey to accomplish what some call a perfect tanda.
If you are not a beginner who is still focused on himself/herself, not giving all you have is selfish dancing. In my experience this is usually not something that is learned in tango – it’s often part of the character.
When you dance tango you must give everything. If you can’t do that do not dance. – Ricardo Vidort
Tango is a process in which both partners must give, but in the same time they must be open to receive as well… And for sure is’t not just leading or just following.
4. Because the magic is in the polarity
What I want to point out here is something which deserves more space, and I will probably write again on this topic. Here I just want to give you a short note of the idea, as one of the reasons why I avoid using the leader/follower terminology.
What’s so magical about tango is that it makes a man feel more masculine and a woman more feminine. Their roles in tango are opening possibilities for discovery of their core.
I’m talking metaphorically here, but there is a great deal of truth beyond the metaphor. I often like to use another metaphor: that there’s no tango without testosterone and estrogen. Tango, as life itself, doesn’t accept them mixed up – it needs them polarized.
The more polarized – the better.
In our society the difference between the masculine and the feminine energy is often blurred. Some people are often afraid to express the true nature of their core. Men are less men and women are less women. Tango helps them to regain their natural role, at least for a short period of time on the dance floor. This short insights in time can trigger transformations of peoples lives, as they discover how the feeling of being a more masculine man makes them more centered or being a more feminine woman makes them feel happier.
Using the leader/follower terminology takes away the opportunity to underline what the partners in reality do: men expressing their masculinity and women expressing their femininity.
To support my all four points I will finish this article with a quote from a very dear book. It’s a long one, but it’s worth taking the time to read it all.
The English-speaking Tango community generally uses the terms ‘leader’ and ‘follower’ to describe those roles, because they are not gender specific. These terms do not come to us from Tango, but from the Ballroom community, and they can be taken to imply a hierarchical relationship, with the ‘leader’ having higher status than the ‘follower’. The vocabulary used by the dancers of the Golden Age implied no such value judgment.
Often when a man who had learned to dance in the practicas asked me to lead him, he would say that he would dance the woman’s role, and I would dance the man’s. (…)
In describing what the leader does, dancers of the Golden Age often used the verb llevar, a verb which has a number of possible translations, including to carry, to take, or to wear – a very different idea from the one implied by the verb ‘to lead’ (…)
In describing what the follower does, a number of different verbs were used. One was to allow (dejar) oneself to be carried (llevada). Another was acompañar – to accompany.
But acompañar was also used to describe what the leader was doing, especially when discussing turning steps. This represents a fundamental truth about the relationship between the leader and follower as understood by the dancers in the Golden Age. To lead was in fact to follow the follower. This paradox lies at the heart of the choreographic freedom enjoyed by Tango dancers in the Golden Age. It is by following that the leader gets the power to carry the follower wherever the leader wishes.
– Christine Denniston, “The Meaning of Tango: The History and Steps of the Argentinian Dance”
As I already said, I do expect disagreements on this topic. If you’re one of those who disagrees, don’t hesitate to write comment or sent me a message.
If you agree, you can share it with your tango friends, so they can also re-think how they use leader/follower terminology.
But this entire article then assumes that the follower is always a woman and the leader always a man. When the person walking backwards most of the time (since we don’t want to say follower) can be either a man or a woman, then the question of the emotion being given by the woman, and the direction and moves by the man doesn’t fit. And when the person generally walking and steering down the ronda can be male or female it is not about expressing masculinity as the person steering. That is why leader/follower work as terminologies because they don’t assume a gender. The beauty of the dance is that anyone can lead or follow. And of course, the follower has to be active and the leader has to listen and allow the follower to initiate from time to time in tango. Assuming a gender identity to either role works against the spirit of tango. Consider also that in the old days, men used to learn together, following and leading, and only got to dance with women once good.
Hi Mitali, thanks for your comment.
1. The article isn’t assuming anything – just talks about roles: man’s role and woman’s role. Even in the old days, when men practiced between themselves they would say “I will dance the woman’s role”.
Mixing roles was never forbidden, but they were always defined – not by some arbitrary authority, but by with respect to genders qualities and nature. Saying that, of course, there are always individual preferences, but those are exceptions, not a rule.
2. The beauty of tango is that it’s not just a dance – it’s a form of communication and a platform where one can express their nature. Saying that the man’s role is best suited for men, and woman’s for woman.
I consider a great reduction of tango when people think that it is just moves that make it so magical. Tango is created by men as a gift to a woman… and, yes, you can do with it as you wish, but using it as a dance between the masculine and the feminine is where it’s most magical.
I agree with you 100% in tango the woman must submit control to the man so when he initiates a step she will follow without hesitation and in return the man will follow her. I think one of the pitfalls of a woman taking the mans role is she becomes aggressive and when she returns to dancing the woman’s role has a problem giving up that control. I’ve been to milongas in BA when the organizer has stopped women / women from dancing.
I agree with the points and concepts 100%, and have been teaching these principles for my entire professional career (now 25+ years). These Lead /Follow concepts are not solely respective to tango ; they apply to all legitimate partnership dance. I do not agree with some of the support information in this writing ; believing it to come from a lack of complete understanding or misinformation, however, the points of Dante and Dennison are articulate truths. I know these things to be truth, and will continue to teach them. Good points. http://www.tangostthomass.com
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I agree with you 100% tango is about a man and a woman not about a leader and follower. Argentina created the concept and the rest of the world has made tango political correct. The role of the woman in tango is to give up control which for a lot of women is impossible. A woman learning the mans part teaches her control so when she dances the woman’s part she has a hard time giving up that control making the dance uncomfortable for the man. I just experienced that feeling with a well known female tango instructor as I took her in my arms she took control of the embrace she teaches having no regard for the embrace in which I dance. I was very uncomfortable and would never invite her to dance again.
It’s lovely to have this conversation without rancour.
I’ve written myself about how sad it is that some men who dance tango can only understand ‘leading’ as imposition, so if I dance with them I feel much like a sack of potatoes who is pushed around the floor to execute some steps mechanically.
I like to think of ‘masculine and feminine’ as characteristics, or different types of energy (as you also termed them), like yin and yang, and to distinguish between that and real-life complex men and women. I am happy to explore and express my ‘feminine’ energy on the tango floor; but I will resist anyone who tries to make that the sum total of my identity as a woman or a person.
The younger generation of activists tell me that ‘gender is constructed’. I think that is true, and also not true. Tango has allowed me to explore these energies in ways that my struggle to achieve a reasonable professional role has not. Because of that, I wish language offered a way to describe those ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ energies in a way that did not exclusively equate them with men and women.
One of the many profound charms of tango is that it provides the opportunity to express specific aspects of ourselves with a specific partner for the duration of the tanda…and then we get to walk off the dance floor.
Thanks for this thoughtful post. I am a writer, speak several languages and inhabit several quite different cultural identities. I know that language very often gets in our way, especially since different cultures mean very different things by what seem to be the same words.
I agree with you about the polarity in tango, and ‘the attraction of opposites’ which gives it much of its power. I also agree that the two partners play very different roles, and the partnership between them is paramount.
One of the things that most seduced me in tango (yes, ‘seduced’ is what happened) was the opportunity to explore the subtlety of what I call the ‘active receiving’ of the ‘woman’s role’, a term that I know from the world of kabbalah. That ‘active receiving’ actually elicits or draws forth what is being offered.
I am a North American woman much influenced by feminism, and have been in senior leadership roles in my professional life; tango offered an opportunity to influence in a very different and more subtle way — I have only ever been interested in ‘the woman’s part’ in tango. I think it is often difficult for some of us to understand the nuance of tango and its embrace because we are so (rightly) concerned with unjust gender politics of various kinds; I try to keep the two quite separate.
Having said that though — I am a heterosexual woman, and one of the most subtle and sublime tangos I ever experienced was with a woman dancing the ‘man’s part’ (there was no sexual attraction, and I have no knowledge of her sexual orientation). What do you make of that experience in the context of this conversation?
Thanks again.
One of my biggest concerns when I publish my opinions about roles in tango is how the feminists will react to them. In this context your opinion means a lot to me and it is one more confirmation of the validity of the ideas I am writing about.
Using the term ‘active receiving’ you also touch one of the most important reasons why the leader/follower terminology is wrong: because those could mean that the follower is a passive role. In this context, using ‘mans role’ and ‘female role’ is much more precise description of what is going on – they are both active, it is just that their contribution in this relation has different quality.
Let me answer to you question: in your experience of dancing with a woman – if she transmitted a masculine energy, if she was confident, if she took responsibility for your dancing, if she was grounded and centered – than probably this was the part of what make you enjoy (check out my post “How to dance like a man“). This means she played the role of a man and it often has nothing to do with her sex. You enjoyed the dance because she played her role well. It does not matter if your partner was a woman, if she enabled you to fulfill your role as woman – she enabled you to get in touch with the core of your feminine and this is what made you enjoy. And this enjoyment does not have to be sexual by nature, it can often come from your relationship with yourself.
I want to point out here an idea: even in the homosexual relationships there are roles – for example ‘butch’ and ‘femme’ lesbians (check the Wikipedia article on this)
It may be misleading to use the terms “leader” and “follower” but only if one does not understand what a good leader does in general – tango or not.
First off, the term “leader” does not mean “dictator”. A leader can lead only if followers allow him or her to lead.
Most importantly, a good leader takes direction from his or her follower(s) and creates or helps create an environment in which the direction that the follower(s) desire can be realized.
Isn’t that what we do in tango? As I, a “leader,” dance, I sense what my partner likes or desires, how she (majority of time I dance with a woman) hears and feels the music and then it pleases me to create opportunities for those expressions to take place.
So, perhaps the terms, when one understands their substance, are not confusing after all.
Hi Dubravko, I agree 100% with you on the part about leader not being a dictator. This applies to tango, but also it is important to any other thing in life. Basically that was the meaning of my second point. The man is the leader (in the sense you explained so precise). But the woman is leading the emotion (check out No1) and the man is the follower there. This makes the use of the terms leader/follower wrong.
What is the most important part of my opposition to the leader/follower terminology is that they take out of the equation the feminine and masculine energy (and roles). Namely, those terms are empty of meaning in the gender sense which bothers me a lot. And behind this is something much bigger than usage of those words – it is how tango changed in USA and Europe, which are different cultures than Argentina (and South in general). It has something to do with the commercialization of the tango as well.
Last, but not without importance, the terms leader/follower are planted to tango from other dances, as Christine Denniston explains so eloquently in the quote in my post. The tango tradition used the terms mans and womans role – the usage of the terms leader/follower is wrong historically as well.
Anyway, thank you for sharing your comments. I expected difference in opinions here, since leader/follower are the terms that are used so much, even by influential teachers and dancers from Argentina. I also thank you for sharing my post.
Ivica
I agree with the man and woman statement. Any serious Argentine Tanguero would also agree with you. Leader and follower is not what tango is about. A woman must give up total control to the man. If a woman wants to lead she must learn to control and this control will carry over if she takes the followers role….confusing?
Exactly David, it takes two to tango and those must be opposite to each other.
My general point is, we could argue about the terms leading and following for ages without finding a resolution. They just express a tiny bit of what tango is about but it’s nonetheless true : one leads a direction and the other one follows it. Yes there is much more to it, an infinite number of possibilities, energies that can even switch within the same dance in the same roles. Finding terms that would describe it all is hopeless. For these reasons, i find the terms leading and following more than acceptable. I can see how one would debate on this, but I find the arguments you use to prove your point to be very close-minded! “Men, do not bother about the emotion, you already have too much on your plate”. Come on man!
Thank you for your comment Ben. Please read the previous comment, I answered there 🙂
Hi. The ideas at the source of your article may be good, and the problematic of the terminology worth discussing, however I really did not like all you made out of it. The quotes you use to prove your points are mainly poetic exagerations meant to be taken as such, and not literally, always. You align a series of thruths that may be right to you but are far from representing the rich variety of ways in which tango can be lived by a rich variety of people. I’ll therefore join Nick in his critics : estrogen and testosterone needed as polarized as possible? Seriously? The emergence of infinite ways to define and live our lives outside of the traditional gender roles are just people “afraid to express their true nature” ? Their “natural role” ? I think these ideas are way behind our times. I’m a man, a teacher, respectable leader and follower and when I feel as much tango when I dance with women and men. I enjoy the estrogen, they are however not, needed. And vice versa. By the way, you did not tell us, what terms do you use in your classes then?
I use “mans role” and “womans role”, just because they represent the true nature of the what is going on in the dance. Of course, everyone is free to use whatever terminology he/she prefers – and this is why in this article I talk about why I avoid leader/follower. But be aware, sometimes they can block the development of the students, since words carry with them the concept of how things are in reality.
Ben, maybe to you those are just poetic, but to me leader/follower terminology is just wrong – using leader/follower is true if we talk about physical part of the dance (and for many tango is just a sport), but neglecting the huge invisible emotional exchange. If we take the second one in consideration, leader/follower is just half-truth.
Anyway 🙂 Thank you for sharing your opinion about this topic.
thanks for sharing your ideas on this subject. I always felt the same uncomfortable idea for the ‘leader/follower terminology because it’s a dance you dance together in an embrace while supporting each other.
Especially the part where you explain that the ‘leader’ follows the ‘follower’ is certainly true ! Otherwise you don’t have a dance.
Your explanation certainly has ground to stand and I’ll try to explain your point of view in future tango lessons too.
I ‘ll try to find the book you mentioned. Thanks again. Peter
Thank you Peter for your comment. I am glad you found my article useful 🙂
I teresting concept. In principle, I like these ideas. But they should encompass agender neutral perspective. I am a gay ma , and I enjoy ‘folloeing’ as much as I do ‘leading.’ The idea of ‘carrying’ emotions is a nice one, but, again, I would say , these should be gender neutral. I am capable of feeling the melody aswell as the rythm!
I understand you, but I must disagree. The tango is like it is because it does not accept gender neutrality – the magic is in the polarity. As one Argentinian teacher said – tango is tango, if you try to add something or to improve it, it becomes something else. 🙂
I agree 100% !
The concept of the article negates the necessity to differentiate gender, which should resolve your issue.