Why do some people think that milonguero is mostly danced by the elderly? You might assume it’s because the average age at encuentros is slightly higher, but I believe it’s because it takes experience and maturity to be comfortable in an intimate embrace. And it has nothing to do with the age.
People dance as they are, but at the same time, by dancing, they can become their better selves. Tango is not just a dance; like any social activity, it often has deeper meaning that goes beyond just the form. It’s a mirror that reflects who we are. It challenges us to confront our vulnerabilities and, by doing so, become better versions of ourselves.
Of course, none of this happens if you don’t do it in an authentic way. The process has value only if you are honest with yourself and have the courage to be your true self in relation to others.
My point is that tango is a great platform to work on yourself. I strongly believe that by being unaware of this and reducing it to just a dance, we are missing a great opportunity to double what we get from it: 1) the pleasure from the dance itself and 2) the fulfillment from becoming better by doing something so enjoyable.
What makes it possible and how does it work?
It Takes Courage to be Vulnerable
It takes courage to dance tango. This I know from my experience with new students and from countless encounters on the dance floor. Most of all, I know it from my own experience.
To engage in an intimate embrace and be open to a complete stranger. To let them know you deeply and personally. It requires vulnerability, but that is precisely what makes it so magical.
On the other hand, immaturity thrives in the shadows of fear. As with everything in life, you have to face some things directly if you want to overcome them. You have to jump headfirst.
People are often afraid of silence, of just doing nothing – and they try to cover it with some superficial activity. They talk to hide their thoughts. They move to hide their feelings. They numb themselves with the illusion of life because they’re afraid of it.
On top of that, there’s the paradox of hyperconnected yet isolated lives, which makes us know more people than we ever did in history, and yet still feel lonely.
In tango, you have to face it. Yes, in a symbolic way, but it’s still facing it, and it has real consequences. You have to open and be vulnerable; you have to trust and be trustworthy.
And learning how to do it; doing it – it’s very, very hard if you don’t have some life experience and wisdom, if you don’t have maturity.
The vulnerability of the deep human connection, that which scares us most, is the way to overcome that dark void.
It Takes Character to be Authentic
Look, I know that milonguero events are mostly attended by midlife and older people, but the reason for this is not solely because of age. I strongly believe that it’s because it takes maturity and wisdom to dance intimately. What one does on the dance floor reflects their inner reality.
I’ve seen young mature people and I’ve also seen older people who are immature and lacking in wisdom. It’s sometimes about character, but I think it’s often about accumulating life experience – and this is why older dancers tend to visit milonguero events.
As you grow as a person, you also become a better dancer – and those events are quite choosy when it comes to the attendees.
Because I don’t see tango as just a series of steps; they’re the physical expression of the intimate dialogue between souls. When I dance, I often feel that I don’t create the steps – they emerge from what I feel and from my interaction with my partner and the surroundings.
This may sound like romanticizing tango beyond what it truly is, especially for beginners – but when movements become as natural as breathing, it really feels this way. You don’t think about “pointing to the stars with your finger”; you focus on the “heavenly glory” that you point to. You shed your societal mask, reveal your true self, and by doing so, you allow yourself to be authentic.
I reference again the ancient Chinese wisdom expressed in the words of Bruce Lee: ‘It’s like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don’t concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory.’
Do you agree with me that we need more milonguero dancers in the tango world? If you do, please consider a small donation to support my mission of spreading the milonguero culture. It helps me maintain this blog. I appreciate every contribution, big or small, as much as you feel you gained value from this article.
From my heart to yours!
Ivica
Securely processed by PayPal
Respect: Give it to Get it
Respect for others in tango is not a courtesy, but an expression of maturity. I guess as with everything in life. I am talking here about respect towards the partners, but also towards other dancers who are dancing beside you on the dance floor.
All codigos in tango and all etiquette in life can be summarized in one simple viewpoint: respect – give it, to get it. And if you think about it it’s best when it comes from a feeling of solidarity and empathy.
“There is nothing more despicable than respect based on fear.”
Albert Camus
I don’t know how true it is, but I remember a story someone of the milongueros told about some of the milongas in the Golden Age. Younger girls were not allowed to visit without the watchful eye of their mothers or another company – so if a man wanted to dance with them, they had to make two cabeceos: one with them and another one with their mother – asking for approval.
What I wanted to say is that it’s not that the old milongueros were all polite and courteous people (in many cases the opposite was the truth) – it’s that they were policed by mothers.
Nowadays no one polices them, except maybe the organizers at milongas and events that prefer good behavior. But I don’t think that nice people should be policed – as I said, it should come from our feeling of respect, solidarity, and empathy.
I still remember the passage quoted in the introduction of my kids’ illustrated book about etiquette:
“Etiquette is the barrier which society draws around itself as a protection against offences the “law” cannot touch; it is a shield against the intrusion of the impertinent, the improper, and the vulgar, – a guard against those obtuse persons who, having neither talent nor delicacy, would be continually thrusting themselves into society …”
Hints on Etiquette and the Usages of Society: With a Glance at Bad Habits
I don’t say we should oblige to every advice from the 19th century, but it’s a good reminder to see etiquette not as rules, but as a “shield”… and, I would also add – a sign of recognizing good and respectful dancers.
Because in the end, wise people know that when you respect others, they will respect you too. Your behavior will protect you from people with no sense of feeling for others.
I strongly reject the idea that milonguero is tango for the elderly. While the average age at encuentros tends to be higher, age isn’t causally linked to milonguero; rather, it correlates with maturity and wisdom. Dancing in an intimate embrace demands vulnerability, authenticity, and respect, qualities not defined by age, but by life experience.
Nice one.
Again a very interesting topic.
In my podcast I point out that the so-called EdO music is difficult.
As I continue to reflect on the topic I am coming to the view that the 1940’s music is really a kitsch version of the 1920’s music that I started to listen to exclusively and upload to my YT channel.
What you discover is that, eg., a De Caro 1930 version of Adios Carrabal is far more laid back and ‘jazzy’ while being emotionally satisfying than the D’Agostino 1942 version, and his 1927 recording of Amurado does not emotionally push you around like the Pugliese 1948 recording.
The problem with the 1940’s recordings as I see it is that the orchestras doubled in size, the arrangements became more dense, and the equalisation flattened out the soundstage (depthwise).
In other words, they went all out and basically it became emotional overkill.
So there is the issue of burn out.
Interestingly, the viewership of my channel are mostly men over 65 in order from Argentina, Colombia, US, Spain, Italy, France, Germany.
The interesting question is whether this is because they are emotionally mature, or that they are more discerning.
My line of thinking is that the tango in its realy heyday, ie., before 1930, was strongly influenced by classical and jazz in the US and Europe.
The giants of the era were also people like Delfino and Cobian, who would spend years in the US.
Cobian composed Nostalgias, probably at the top for a ‘romantic’ tango.
But this music, while emotionally engaging, does not emotionally push you around the way the 1940’s music does.
Surprisingly there seem to be no 40’s recordings of romance tangos such as Loca Bohemia and Flores Negras which were popular with orchestras a decade earlier, and which remain popular with Argentine classical guitarists.
It is interesting that the 1920s tangos are not considered ‘danceable’ when in the 1910’s tango experienced an international ‘fever’ and there were dancing manuals being published on tango.
The conclusion must be that the French, British and Americans were dancing to listening music.
In the US there were laws in some places to break up tango parties. I guess they went crazy about their listening tango.
So I guess the question is at what point there is ‘too much’ emotion.
I agree with your message. Emotional intelligence, ego-less-ness is part of being an empathetic, respectful tango dancer.
To be totally vulnerable to a stranger works easily for many and not so many.
I am of mature age and have been constantly learning how to relax my body and emotions whilst up close and personal with a leader.
My brilliant teacher whom I have been attending private lessons weekly for 18 months has been so caring and gentle in his approach to help me relax my body and mind because of a near death experience of physical assaults by someone I ‘trusted’ left me terrified of any physical touch of a male. My loving teacher has been patient, caring and understanding during my technique progress and respect for Tango dance.
I can honestly say…..Tango has been an immense healing journey for me with my wonderfully skilled teacher.
Yes, being genuinely intimate and mature with wisdom, life experiences and trust is very challenging however, it takes courage, emotional intelligence, trust (10 fold) and a genuine loving connection with self and others to let go and experience the wonders of Tango.