You can’t dance tango if you can’t invite someone to dance with you. Men do invitations by cabeceo, women invite by making miradas. Sounds simple, but we are not simple machines and when you get in the complex world of milonga it can get really messy.
And, it seams to me, for some women there is some extra complexity… I think this is result of the lack of information and help from their teachers or experienced dancers.
So, I decided to help you by writing this article and I promise you at the end you will have some answers to your questions about the mirada game…. Or maybe, more educated questions, but I am sure you will get closer to a smoother milonga experience.
We were drinking prosecco at the bar late that evening. There was a fast Canaro milonga playing and people were dancing, but I decided to skip this tanda. She was there for the same reason.
“In some communities they do ‘women invites’ time in milongas, so that every lady has opportunity to invite and dance with her favorite partner”, she said.
“… and when they do that, are the men allowed to do miradas?”, I interrupted her.
“Of course”, she said smiling.
“Than, if they can – what is the difference who invites? Mirada is also an invitation. No matter what you say who invites, with mirada or cabeceo – men and women have the same chance to invite”, I said.
“Yes, but I think this reminds them that they should be active”, she concluded.
I agree. Many women believe that in the game of invitations they should be passive and just wait for men to invite them.
Why do we need cabeceo/mirada?
Many, even some experienced milongueras, told me that there is something they don’t like and even something unpleasant about inviting a man to dance with them. And, many are not sure how it’s done.
[Tweet “Making mirada is not a rocket science! Try it!”]
This is why I decided to ask some of my friends, experienced milongueras, teachers or organizers to share with my readers what they do when they want to invite or be invited.
Have a gameplan
Many women want to go to the milongas early on, so they can get the best position for invitations. I asked Wenche Stribolt a dancer and organizer from Sweden, with more than 20 years of experience, if where she sits is important?
“It is important to see and being seen. You should not have the men behind you, but in front of you. No rocket science… “, she explains.
Birgitt from Germany, known among her tango friends as Mariposita, dances more than 22 years. She explains the process of invitations with four words: attention, look, smile, mirada.
“Go and sit with open mind, with open eyes, with a smile, and in a good mood”, is her advice to unexperienced milongueras.
Wenche also underlines the importance of greeting potential partners with a smile.
“First, if the one I know and want to dance with I make sure to greet them with a smile, then I catch their eye and they invite me. If I don’t know the person, but would like to dance with him, I try to get eye contact, smile and if he is interested he invites”, she explains the process.
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Avoid insecurities
As I mentioned, to many women the game of invitations is sometimes uncomfortable.
Tina Riccardi, Italian in her heart and nationality, Belgian by birth is very experienced dancer and teacher for more than 15 years. Her advice to those of you who feel uncomfortable inviting is that the tango is a lesson in life that can transform you.
“When it was time to ‘cabeceo’, I lowered my eyes, I looked at my feet. There was no way I was going to look at anyone!”, she tells a story from milongas on her first trip to Buenos Aires in 2004.
“On the last day of my two week stay, I finally had a hint of courage and was able to dance at least two or three tandas. The first spark finally came to the surface, and little by little, I could only function with the cabeceo invitation. I find it so much more subtle and refined than to any other way of inviting!”, explains Tina.
Be social
Having social skills can help a lot in the game of invitations. You have to be open and curious and to learn about the people you want to dance to.
“The most important thing is to have an open mind: be open for other people, make contact, talk, laugh, flirt… If you don’t want to dance, then go and stay in a ‘cage’, behind the ‘walls’”, explains Birgitt.
She says that it is very important to be curious about unknown people.
“It is sometimes very difficult, but if you talk to the potential partners, if you get to know them makes it easier”, says Birgitt.
What if he refuses?
Inviting means that there is a possibility of refusal. This applies for men and for women as well. What to do if he doesn’t answer to your miradas?
“It is quite straight forward. You have to try few times, but if he isn’t interested then I leave it to someone else”, says Wenche.
When the men is not responding, Tina also suggests trying few times.
“If it does not work right away, wait for the next tanda, or longer, before trying the invitation again. Above all, do not insist on wanting to invite someone who won’t look at you. It could make her/him feel uncomfortable, and put you in a bad mood! Let it go. It may happen later… Or not.”, she concludes.
Doing an extra step (use with caution)
It is usually very hard to get to the best dancers… or, that one special guy you want to dance to. What do you do in this situation?
“The guy is looking around, many ladies are looking at him with hungry eyes. How can I catch this guy I want to catch?”, asks Birgitt.
She says that in this case, you have to do something else than just sitting and waiting.
“If I want to do that, best positions for me are near the bar or near the entrance, but never sitting in the first line. This works because if I‘m near by groups of man I can ‘catch’ his attention and then a look, a smile… a cabeceo”, explains Birgit.
Avoid dancing with bad dancers
And, of course… what if you get constantly invited by people who are not pleasant to dance with? Should you avoid them?
“Do not be afraid to avoid dancers who do not attract you, it is better not to dance rather than to dance with someone you do not want”, says Tina.
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What is your experience? How do you find your way in the complex game of invitations? Message me or comment.
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