Getting more men in tango is a tricky problem. If you are facing milongas where there are 3 times more women than men (sometimes this difference is even bigger) you are not alone: it is a global phenomenon… and I am still trying to find the fully satisfying answer.
In this post I am going to give you my opinion on this topic. Every complex problem usually needs a complex answer, but I think the answer is simpler than one might think.
It all started when I first encountered tango. I was in a community with no more than 15 enthusiasts and no regular school or teacher. The most experienced dancers had no more than two years of dancing experience. We had to invite teachers from neighboring countries to make workshops – but I was not satisfied with what they offered either. There was something missing. Tango was too hard to learn, too demanding to dance and you got too little in return.
So, I decided to discover for myself. I read all I could find on the Internet, bought books and took private classes with all the people I thought could help me understand… and I was lucky enough to find the answers I needed. The big revelation was that tango should be easy to learn. Countless men gave up their ambitions to become tango dancers just because what they faced seemed too hard for the reward they were getting in return. I know this because I was about to give up after few months. Before I did, I decided to give it one more try – this time with self guided learning. And, as I said, luckily it worked.
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If you are an organizer, teacher, community leader or just a dancer who wants to contribute to your local community – this article is for you. This is my checklist on how to attract and keep more men in tango.
1. Men are not taught the right skills – Let’s be honest. The Tango world today is upside down. Tango started because there were 10 times more men than women and the only way a man could approach women was to dance with her (or, of course, to pay for a prostitute). Many men in those days did not had a chance to start a family because of this.
Today, on the other hand, the situation is reversed. We have many times more women dancing tango than men. Because of that – the standards are lower for men. A man could dance in milongas even if he didn’t attend too many classes or if he is an average or a bad dancer. This would not be the case if the dancer was a woman.
But, despite this fact, the men still find it hard to learn to dance. We all know how hard is for men in the beginning: he has to pay attention to the lead, he has to improvise the choreography, to think about musicality, to navigate the dance floor, plus – he has to take care to invite the lady, to communicate with the other men on the dance floor etc. And here we didn’t even mention the emotional part of the dance – something which women appreciate most of all.
Well, there is the problem. You can list all those tasks the man has to do – but please think – how many of those skills he can learn in the classes? Most of the time teachers teach steps and technique, but in the same time, completely ignore the floor craft, behavior and emotional connection.
2. The reward is too small – What is the ultimate reward for men in tango? Well, different people will give you different answer. But, if you ask me I would tell you without thinking – it is the feeling that the woman in your embrace completely opens to you because she enjoys what you do, she believes that you will take care of her and she trusts that you will be a gentleman and not misuse her openness.
But today’s tango is heavily influenced by show dancers. As a result the accent is on the moves and not on the emotions and connection. Yes, many teachers will talk about the connection, but most will probably talk about it as a tool to dance better, not as a goal.
In this situation men are less able to get emotional feedback for their dancing. In fact, most of the time the feedback is that when they enter the milonga they get attention from the ladies, which makes things even worse – because it influence their egos.
What is the solution? Well, the teachers should spend less time teaching women how to make perfect giros or perfect ochos, and more time teaching them how to hug and how to express what they feel in the dance. Tango is not a sport. The movement has no meaning if it doesn’t express some feeling.
This way, the men will get positive feedback during the dance – their reward…. Because, trust me, there is no better feeling for a man than the feeling that you made the woman in your embrace happy.
3. Help men with ‘manly’ music – Let me start this part with a quote.
“In my point of view, tango is, above all, rhythm, nerve, strength and character. Early tango, that of the Old Guard, had all that, and we must try not to ever lose it.” – Juan D’Arienzo
D’Arienzo was right. But unfortunately we lost it. I am very sad and disappointed to see that in the milongas we have too little rhythm and too much melody and drama. Let me explain why!
I said many times that the rhythm brings masculine and the melody feminine energy on the dance floor. This is not just a metaphor. It has its implications on the musicality of the dancers. What I want to say is that the man, who improvises the choreography, often needs predictable patterns in the music. The melody can not offer this, because it has an unpredictable non linear nature. On the other hand, the rhythm has mathematical predictability and can help the male dancers. This is why it is easier to dance to some old guard tango music than it is to some 60’s Pugliese.
4. Insist on the codigos – Unfortunately in many communities this is a controversial topic. If you are one of those people who consider that the codigos are something which belong to the past and we don’t need it in today’s world, please skip to the next topic: if you don’t see the reasons for their existence, I can’t change your mind.
For those of you who are unsure or open to listen to some new arguments, let me remind you that there are rules in every area of human activity (yes, even when you go to bed with your wife – for example, you don’t just decide to sleep in different position every night). The more people are participating in some activity, the bigger the need for some kind of rules – to make the relations smoother. But what happens if we decide to disregard the rules? What if there are no rules? Well, in that case the rules are being enforced by the bullies and egotists. The rules exists to protect us against the bullies.
What does it means? The most aggressive invitations are usually made by male dancers who are most often rejected – usually they are the ones who can’t do cabeceo, so they reject that rule and try to invite by direct approach. Even if your community doesn’t know about the cabeceo/mirada rule – inviting with the eye contact and nod with the head is so natural that some dancers never have to approach before they make the invitation.
How can this help more men stay in tango? It will discipline the bullies and will keep the good and respectful dancers engaged and not marginalized.
5. Create uninterrupted milongas – Fortunately many milongas have a great environment. This part is for those of you who are organizers and the ronda in your milonga is interrupted with a lots of obstacles.
Most of the time, women close their eyes, and it is the men’s responsibility to navigate. The organizer has to enable a good flow of the ronda: no chairs or tables, and no waiters moving around. Being an organizer is much more than just arranging and advertising – you have to make the environment tango friendly, especially if the venue is a place where dancing tango is not a primary activity.
As I said in the beginning: this is a complex topic and I don’t believe that this article covered all that could be said. It is just a good start and I believe I will return to it again – with some fresh experiences and new ideas.
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I had many debates on this topic and there are many people who do not agree with me. That is fine, but when someone has opinion he has to explain why he holds it.
I would be happy to hear more ideas. Do you face this problem in your community? What is your opinion? Do you think that there are other reasons why there are more female than there are male dancers?
Again, and again, THERE ARE OFTEN TO MANY MEN !! Or must we say : to many women who are refusing to dance,rejecting men who are inviting !!
In a nutshell men tend want things quick and easy and tango is by defination is everything but quick and easy. Then on the other side the feminization of tango with the result were men are afraid to be masculine and women afraid to to be feminine.
The core teaching of tango is about how men should be masculine and how women should be feminine. It is the celebration of intergration of the two that makes it so profound. In both cases it is about respect and trust and of coarse a whole lot more
Tango is half physical and half mental training. The challange for the most part is classes just focus on the physical aspirations and ony honorable mentions about emotions connection mental intamacy and the spirituality elements. Almost like it is a taboo subject
It is said people are attracted to Tango because of the lack of intamacy in their life then are afraid of it when they are faced with it. With the close embrace it is opening up one’s inner self being emotionally vulnerable that scares the crap out of men and well women also. It is the oxymoron of life.
So challenge is how to get past this enigma Fist is to simplify things focas on the basics. Typically peope only use 10 movments in tango. People should be able to be resonanle tango dancers in 3 to 4 months then ofcourse spend the rest of you life perfecting thier texhnique
Once we demystify tango we can start to focos on core mental training and then it is what it should be The metaphor of life
Here in Cleveland Ohio where there is a good sized Tango community, I would estimate 75% of the dancing is without the feeling of intimacy, and doesn’t look like Tango. As it was explained to me by Alicia Pons, Tango is not in the steps but lives between the steps. Going into my third year and still working on my walk, which without, is not Tango. Ballroom dancers want to do all the gonchos, secadas and other as what is perceived as fancy or advanced steps, without knowing how to walk in addition to some shortcomings that you talk about, is dancing that needs, no cries out for a solid walk. Codigos are in my opinion quintessential to Tango, it gives an outline of Civilized behavior on and off the dance floor and contributes to the enjoyment of the Argentine social dance. I have a preference for the Milonguero style, which also enables me to do Salon as well. IMHO, Milonguero is where it’s at.
very curious to know where there are much more women than men in the milongas and where from comes this notion, let me know, so I will go immediately there. This is not my experience.
Hi Flavio, 99% of high quality organizers complain that there is not enough men registering to their events… So they accept only registrations of couples… I even heard a stories that some ladies are willing to pay the entrance for some men in order for them to register with them as a couple (story which I didnt liked at all)
Do you have different experience?
In my opinion one aspect, that makes it difficult for man to stay in Tango is the following.
When you start as a couple the woman can learn a lot by dancing with experienced leaders. If she is somehow talented (and even young and attractive !?!) she will be also invited at milongas and get experience with good dancers. When she comes back to her original partner she accuses him for every “problem” they have on the dancefloor, because with the other (experienced) leader it worked all right with her. “It’s all his fault!”
On the other hand if a beginner man dances with an experienced woman, he does not get so much benefit from that, because he cannot read the subtle reactions of the follower. There is all the insecurity of closeness and having to know and having to do it right, (…and all other mind and emotional stuff) that opposes a comfortable dance experience. So the man leaves out and the woman stays.
My suggestion as support would be that in the tango communities some experienced women should be mentoring one or two beginner man and also come to practicas. They should (against the codigos) give feedback, tell the man what works well for them and what not. And at milongas also invite (against the codigos maybe directly) the unexperienced man for a tanda with “easy” music and not only have eyes for the best dancers.
It is also up to you, women, to get more man into tango!!
You right Anton, support is crucial element for both, male and female dancers – I would not be exclusive here.
Definetly 4. Codigos.
As long as you are pretty, fun, charming or dance with good dancers, you might think that you dont need the codigos, importantly the cabeceo, or even more importantly how to express the polite and clear “no” from the woman’s side.
Nobody teaches that and those that are confronted with it dont see a reason for it, neither do many of the participants/women.
I can understand why men try the cabeceo and dont follow it, the current application is a one-way road: it only works when both sides want to dance with each other and see each other, in that very moment.
I honestly think, that this way is the only way to a sustainable tango scene, for any size larger than a group of 15 persons.
There is not much one can do to counter-steer this development, many people I talked to want to have things simple(r) even when that means that they sit almost all night or when they cannot dance with those they want to.
Only saying “yes” to each other is not real communication though.
Good Article.
I agree useful skills need to be taught in class. But I don’t agree that making women hug men if they don’t want to is useful or even appropriate. I think one should be allowed to dance tango without the requirement of expressing feelings in a hug.
Two: I do agree that positive emotions a re a great reward. I don’t however agree that most men are in tango class only to feel the emotions of hugging women. I have students that love the inner logic of tango, that is, how cross system and other stuff works. It is an intelligent game of legs, trunks, and, of course music. I am a leader myself, and I kind of wish I could dance tango without the hugging and a pressure to “emotions”. The emotion of satisfaction in interpreting the music and mastering the impromptu choreo is what I am after, not the emotion of a woman or even myself towards a partner.
Three: the text assumes if there are no Argentinian codigos or manners / etiquette, then there is no codigo whatsoever? There are places with established manners of inviting and accepting to dance. It is an insult toward other cultures’ etiquette to assume it is no good compared to Argentinian. And I have experienced quite nice cultures, where most people get to dance with eachother, where arrogant inviters will eventually learn their lesson, where more people are on the dance floor than sitting out. And, where there are more men than women, or at least most or many times there are. And finally: I can’t see the importance of dividing by gender. I commented using the words man and woman because that is what was used in the text, but it is not how I see it.
Hi Vanessa, thank you for commenting.
1. I agree with you 100% that you should not force women to hug a men if they don’t feel like they want to… They have always an option not to dance with the men they do not want to hug.
About feelings – tango without feelings is not tango – it is just a sport…. and unfortunately we have too many people considering it a sport. There is in tango much more than the movements.
I wrote more on this topic in THIS ARTICLE.
2. Of course, men who come in tango just to hug a women should be in the best case marginalized… It is not about the hug – it is the warmth, closeness and intimacy (not sexuality, but closeness).
Every beginner is focused on the movements, steps, cross system etc. It is unfortunate if they never pass the level of steps and do not develop their tango to the level of emotion. I do not agree that people should stay stucked on the level of movements.
It is great to enjoy the music – but unfortunately many enjoy just the music, by themselves. Enjoying the music in dancing tango has purpose only if it is enjoying the music together with the partner… if you cant do that, you re not dancing tango, you are just making movements that resembles tango.
I wrote more about the priorities in THIS ARTICLE
3. The tango codigos are not Argentinian codigos… they are international codigos. Nationalism is very bad for tango in general – tango was created by emigrants and it is not exclusive. The codigos are accepted by various communities all over the world. In fact, many of milongas in Argentina do not have the traditional approach… and there was no universally accepted codigos even in the Golden Age – many barrios had different approach. But the core of the tango rules were and are preserved – not because someone is forcing them – but because they work best and they help people enjoy. They were developed over years – and there is a reason for every each of them. They are created to protect us from uncomfortable situation. As I said in the article 🙂 without enforcing the codigos – the bullies rule the milonga.
If you want to read more about how cabeceo/mirada rule helps us check THIS ARTICLE.
And also, about why the leader/follower approach is wrong you can check THIS ARTICLE.
In most New York City milongas there are more men than women, on average. How do we get more women in tango?
I so much appreciate this article.
If we respect one another, and are kinder to one another we can enjoy and help one another and stop focus on perfection and show. Dancing is a celebration of life and helps tell stories of our civilization. Social dancing should not be a competition or a way to fill an unhealthy void. You can make a better world by starting at the grass roots level. Women are learning to lead so they can participate and not sit on the sidelines. We’ve made the world more hostile, but it is possible to participate in making the world a more accepting place by ones own actions
There is for some reason this idea that dancing is ‘gay’. That it effeminates. This is obviously ridiculous to those already dancing, the problem would be explaining it to those still on the outside. The skills of firm but gentle leading, openness and undivided attention to another person, letting go of one’s ego, patience and politeness… would be beneficial for men to learn even outside dance floor. 🙂
Men have a hard time in the beginning, with the music and choreography, and the steps and inviting women… and the main problem that is – it is now possible and even easy to get an embrace, female attention, company or sex even without tango. So, for many man, there is no reason to bother trying to achieve this skill.
Like many aspects of tango there are no simple answers.
There are variations in gender balance which work both ways.
My feeling is that if there is a shortage of men at a milonga then solving this by having more women leaders is damaging long term, as it takes out the usual male female dynamics so essential in tango and other dance formats, too.
Fine at class or practicas but it gives a feel of dancing round handbags syndrome- seen at bop/rock venues.
It never looks the least convincing to me, either.
If codigas are essential for ladies to feel safe -why not one to keep the male role special?
Solving one problem by creating others is not truly progressive to me.